ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
