I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
