Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
