Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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