what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
