i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
