this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
