found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
