did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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