I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
