shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize