what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
