Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
