I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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