DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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