I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
