Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
