I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
