i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
