you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
