Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
