Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
