True but thats because hes a fetus.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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