The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
