Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Randomize
