hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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