Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize