got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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