he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
