I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize