My first STD was from a foam party
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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