Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
