Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
