I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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