Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize