Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
