Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
