We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
