I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My penis needs a shock collar
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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