I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
