Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
