I'm drive I can fine osifer
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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