This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
