I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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