if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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