$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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