we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
