yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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