i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
