I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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