so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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