Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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