just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize