i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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