I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
