I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
