I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
