I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize