Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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