He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
