He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
