Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
