dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
