...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
