My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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