I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
