he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
how drunk are you?
Several
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
