one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he shaved USA in his pubs
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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