I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
